Your thesis is good, but I think only the second sentence in your thesis statement should be used as your actual thesis because it is directly stating your claim. Also, I think your outline might be a little broad in what the main categories are. Maybe you should narrow it down to smaller parts of your argument and what evidence supports each part. Overall, you have a really good direction of where your essay is going and lots of improvement in your thesis.
You have a great thesis. However, your outline reflects only two major paragraphs. Is that so? I would break down your sub-topics from your main ones and elaborate on those, explaining how they would be more effective in the grand scheme of things. What I am noticing is that you have chunked some key points together. This needs to be fleshed out a lot more than it is.
Your thesis is good, but I think only the second sentence in your thesis statement should be used as your actual thesis because it is directly stating your claim. Also, I think your outline might be a little broad in what the main categories are. Maybe you should narrow it down to smaller parts of your argument and what evidence supports each part. Overall, you have a really good direction of where your essay is going and lots of improvement in your thesis.
ReplyDeleteYou have a great thesis. However, your outline reflects only two major paragraphs. Is that so? I would break down your sub-topics from your main ones and elaborate on those, explaining how they would be more effective in the grand scheme of things. What I am noticing is that you have chunked some key points together. This needs to be fleshed out a lot more than it is.
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